strangest day in a long time

which is saying something when you have a new person/ life in your hands.

yesterday i left work early due to splitting headache. by the time i got on the train to come home it was a full blown migraine. it's only five minutes from office to train. i sat on the train shaking in a cold sweat trying not to vomit. finally we got to erko. it's only five stops. i tottered off the train and breathed in the fresh(er) air. it kept me in one piece to climb to the top of the stairs. i turned to walk to the child care centre to collect percy, but just couldn't manage it. i rang paul and sobbed that i was really sick and could he collect percy today? he said of course and that i should just make it home and go to bed. i'm sure it was a sight; me in my power suit stumbling along the road sobbing in pain. luckily the back streets of erko are pretty deserted at 4pm.

into bed with a mega dose of ibuprofen, only half undressed, front door unlocked, spilling debris along the way. usually i can't function for about 12 hours with a migraine, and only then after a good shower and a long sleep. paul arrived home with percy maybe 45 minutes after i did. perhaps it was the cat nap or her adoring cuddle but i felt quite revived. more likely it was the ibuprofen...
regardless i was able to play a little with percy, give her her dinner and put her to bed. i wonder how much drug went thru the breastmilk into her at her good nite feed?

so to today! this is the strange day. i'm home alone! percy woke at 6:50am, had her breastfeed, her breakfast and i took her to day care. then i came home, had a shower and went back to bed for over two hours!! no percy. no wondering how long this little nap might last. i feel very wierd. if i'm at home then so should percy be. however i'm still weak and headachey, plus we're paying for the day care whether she goes or not. hence she's gone and i'm having some down time. i feel both liberated and like a terrible mother. percy cried tragically when she was dropped off this morning. if i know she doesn't like it, doesn't sleep so well, doesn't eat a lot and won't have her bottles while she's there why don't i keep her home every opportunity i get? because she would have had a crap day with me today too. that'll do; i'm not going to beat myself up over it.

now i'm off to get myself some lunch. i wonder what percy had for lunch...?