second and last

it occured to me as i was re-tucking percy in around 1am this morning and sitting with her for a few minutes to listen to her breathing steadily drop to a deep whisper as sleep took her calmly to rest and dreams, that this second pregnancy of mine is most likely also to be my last. following on from such disrupted sleep over the past two years we don't feel we have the energy or the reserves to do this more than twice. i do believe that we are due a perfect sleeper this time, but even with that it's unlikely we'll be dipping into our genetic pool for a third time.

this makes me realise how precious each sensation and stage of this pregnancy is. every flutter of movement i feel should be cherished. my growing belly rubbed each nite with delicious oils, growing and steadily growing. even those effects i could skip straight over (constipation so bad i feared haemorrhoids could be the only possible result, chronic exhaustion, nausea, and if my pregnancy with percy is a prognostication then close-to-disabling symphysis pubis dysfunction is yet to come) are oddly special. these things won't be experienced again, positive or negative, ever. it's almost as if i must mourn the passing of my pregnancy time to feel happy about letting it go, knowing it won't happen again.
but that's ok, because now i feel a greater connection to my body, it's ability to carry and birth babies, and this little boy squirming around inside me.
second and last and really, really super!